Three times heart broken.

My college girlfriend who upon her graduation from community college just kind of moved on when she left the state to finish school at the Atlanta College of Art. No plan on how to stay in touch. I graduated first and took a local job not realizing she was moving away with no plan of staying together and no plan of coming back. No crying about that, I tried to stay in touch and it just petered out. I guess I was only a little heart broken.

My next long term relationship, dating, moving in together, living like a couple until I tried to plan a vacation so she could meet my family. I had many dinners with her family but my family was all the way across the country. She stopped me right before I was going to book the airline tickets and broke up with me. It really was not much different than asking her to marry me and her saying no. I cried, I might have even begged, it was trauma, I don’t remember it well. I was very heart broken. She moved out and moved on but said we should be friends.

The last time was when my first wife died. More correctly when my wife was dying. Watching the person you love slowly deteriorate and lose all hope and the waste away. I am not poet enough to let you know how that feels. Heart break only matched by your children dying. I cried, I screamed, I whispered I hoped, I prayed and I gave up hope, heart broken and at the same time feeling lucky that it was not worse after she finally died.

A man who does not cry might be even more hurt than the one that does. A heart broken man might be a Stoic or he could be holding it in but at the point of almost snapping or breaking.