When people say that respect is earned not given are usually considering the first definition not the second that you quoted.

Respect

Noun

1: a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

I am not thinking you are all that until you show me.

You have to earn that kind of respect.

There is a space between respect and disrespect. That is where people I know nothing about fall.

TEK